DISCLAIMER: this post is only out of humor. it is a satire of elijah dukes, lastings milledge and dimitri young. in no way does this post reflect how they truly feel about each other. and this post is not intended to cause slander and/or libel to their names. there is a lot of cursing and other bad things that no one should ever condone, so please be cautious and wear your earmuffs/blinders/whatever you want to call it. if you take offense to this post, i honestly do not care. if you are offended, you probably have way too much free time on your hands and instead of fighting world epidemics of poverty, civil war, and AIDS, you're bitching about what a 20-year old writes on his blog. focus your time and efforts on other things more worldly and justified. thank you and now enjoy.
DATE: FEBRUARY 18, 2007
TIME: 2:30 PM
PLACE: WHEREVER THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS ARE
elijah dukes: man, i'm so muthafuckin happy i get to leave to fucking tampa bay. all them bitches do is whine and shit about some goddamn child support. i can't wait to get up to dc and get me some of that political pussy.
lastings milledge: same here 2 n****, i'm fucking tired of that new york shit man. name in the fuckin papers, hi-fivin' fans and shit. bitch, i'm here to play and get me some fine ass pussy 2. you hear me?
dukes: hell yeah my n****, i can't wait to fucking knock a few dem' fine ass interns up on that hill baby. i got a ton of kids already: tanisha, chiquita, banana, baby, elijah jr, elijah da illest, and elijah the third. maybe my skeet make that motherfuckin baseball team to support my pot booze and pussy.
milledge: bitch please. i'm all about that ms. dc. i don't give a fuck if she's datin jason campbell, he's just a pretty ass pussy and i'll knock the fuck outta him.
dukes: true that, n****. jason campbell is a fucking fag. he likes up the butt the way my ex-wife did. n****, that bitch would get the fuck off my dick.
milledge: she must have thought of that shit bein' gold or somethin.
dukes: yeah n****, and there this one time where the dumb bitch asked about that soulja boy song meant. and i said, "look bitch, i'ma fucking show what fuckin soulja boy is..."
milledge: and then...
dukes: and i dropped my fucking sean johns down to mah knees and got my footlong dick out. and i skeeted like i was fucking billy ocean n****. all over her fucking back. and she was like "what the fuck is this sticky shit? are you fucking cumming all over me again?" and i was like "no bitch, now shut your mouth and don't turn around."
milledge: you sure put that bitch in her place.
dukes: yeah n****. and once i got done with cumming all over her. i was talking to myself like "bitch, where are the motherfuckin sheets?" and she was like "n****, we fuckin sleep in them." and then i was like "bitch did i tell you to fucking talk?" as i grabbed the sheet and stuck it on her back.
milledge: aw no way homeboy!
dukes: and then she was like "did you stick that sheet to my back?" and i was like "shut yo ass up bitch. yeah i fuckin did, that's what the fuckin soulja boy is. you fuckin happy bitch? "
(milledge gapes in disbelief)
dukes: and man, i got those fucking sheets so sticky that i ripped off all of that bitch's back hair off of her. at least now i can fucking do her in the butt without thinkin i be on a rug.
milledge: n****, that was one dope story. i got a good one for you but first i gotta shit man.
dukes: why the fuck you gotta shit?
milledge: n****, i had fuckin' ben's chili bowl for lunch. i'm bout to shit my fuckin pants.
(milledge leaves, enter dimitri young)
dimitri young: WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS NOISE COMING FROM? WHO THE FUCK KEEPS YELLIN WHILE I'MA TRYIN TO FUCKIN SLEEP
dukes: man what the fuck is yo problem n****. calm the fuck down son
young: CALM THE FUCK DOWN??? DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I'M DA MOTHAFUCKIN MEATHOOK BITCH AND N**** YOU NEED GET BACK SON....AND WHY THE FUCK YOU CALLIN ME SON.DA MEATHOOK FUCKIN 32 YEARS OLD.
dukes: man i call you whatever the fuck i want to call you....bitch.
young: MAN DA MEATHOOK WILL FUCKIN KILL YO ASS. DA MEATHOOK DON'T FUCKIN CARE IF WE TEAMMATES. YOU GONNA BE SWEARIN ON YO MOMMA'S GRAVE.....SON.
dukes: you dead dawg! i'm gonna rape you the same way i did a 16 year old
young: N****, DA MEATHOOK LAUGHS AT YO PUNY SHIT. CUZ YOU'S A PUNY PIECE OF SHIT. DON'T MAKE ME TAKE YO ASS OUT BACK AND GIVE YOU SOME MOTHERFUCKING DELIVERANCE
dukes: n**** please. i will cockslam yo cuntface into the ground and tattoo my fatass mushroom stamp on yo bitchass face.
young: PIMPSMACK YO ASS BITCH! THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK DA MEATHOOK A GONNA DO
milledge: what the fuck?
young: SHUT THE FUCK UP LASTINGS. YOU AIN'T NOTHIN BUT A LITTLE ROOK AND I WILL FUCKIN CHOP YO DICK AND FEED IT YOU SO YOU SHIT IT OUT YO ASS
milledge: please bitch. i'll fuckin hide all yo candy bars so when yo blood sugar's low, yo dumbass won't have any shit to eat. how about dem' apples n****
young: HELL 2 DA NAW. YOU KNOW DA MEATHOOK'A GONNA DO? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY? YOU READY?...............SHAZZZZAAAAAAAAM BITCH, PISTOLWHIP YO ASS WIT MY COCK.
dukes: you dead dawg. that's all i gotta fuckin say.
(manny acta and lastings milledge enter)
manny acta: hey guys lets go onto the field for some bp.
young: GOTCHA BITCH.
milledge: man, i'm write sum lyrics tonight about yo bitchass tonite and then i'm gonna cut some bars about how me and my hood are gonna straight up murder yo ass.
young: HEY BITCH YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO INSTEAD? IDA MEATHOOK WANT YOU TO WALK YO ASS TO POTBELLYS IN GALLERY PLACE IN A DRESS AND ORDER DA MEATHOOK A FUCKIN SANGWICH. DA MEATHOOK WANT A FUCKIN CHICKEN SANGWICH AND SOME FUCKING ROOT BEER WIT THAT SHIT.
dukes: n****, they ain't got no chicken sandwiches at potbelly's.
young: SHUT THE FUCK UP DAWG. DA MEATHOOK WANT SUM FUCKIN CHICKEN. DO YOU WANT TO WEAR A FUCKIN DRESS TOO? THEN DA MEATHOOK SUGGEST THAT YOU SHUT YO ASS UP BEFORE YOU SLEEP WIT DA FUCKIN' FISHES.
dukes: yes sir.
milledge: i'ma leave now. peace n****z.
young: NOW GET YO BITCHASS ON THE FIELD AND ROLL ME SOME GROUNDERS...BITCH.