i fucking hate fantasy football

fantasy football is finally over. thank god. i was eliminated last night with a painful loss to the most inconsistent team in my league. his team fucking blows and he ended up catching me on one of my bad weeks. i'm not that mad about it, i didn't expect to go this far with my team, but this is the second year in a row where i fall flat on my face in the playoffs. it's total bullshit. and yet again, i lost to an inferior team that will get their shit rocked in the championship. but all i have to say is thank god this season is over.

this is probably the worst season i've ever had. my team, rhymes with shmashmortion, was doomed from the start. i fucked up the draft, i nearly fucked up a significant trade in the preseason when i opened my big mouth, i cruised to a 5-2 start thanks in part to ronnie brown, and then was fucked by injuries. speaking of injuries, i had the worst injuries, i lost all three of my running backs during the season, which forced me to become incredibly desperate for backs. i stupidly traded away some great players and if i still had them, everything would have worked out for the best. i'm usually well-renowned for ripping people off in trades, as i did last year and in the first part of this year. but in the latter part of the season, i was getting ripped off, getting pieces of shit in some deals.

next thing i know, i started freaking out over injuries, and i find myself at5-4, on the outside looking in, when i willed myself to win against the best team in the league. and then i guaranteed a win against a 3 win team and proceeded to get rocked. at 6-5 and not in a great position to get a playoff spot, i won the last two games to get the division crown yet again and get that bye i needed in the playoffs. but of course, it never works out because i lost again. next year, i'm going to be fucking smart about the fantasy shit. i'm going all the way.

but now since fantasy has ended, i can finally enjoy football games. no longer, will i have to obsess about statistics of marginal players. i don't have to scream every time the ball is in the air. i don't have to talk smack to a team that does not care about their individual performance on the field. now i'll have something else to do during sundays, instead of watching every game because i have a wide reciever on my fantasy team playing in the game.

so i'd like to say thanks to the following players for actually performing on my team:

- ben roethlisberger until i traded you
- derek anderson
- ronnie brown for the first seven games of the season
- frank gore for that 40-point week
- kevin curtis for that 60-point week and being my favorite player this year
- bernard berrian for catching deep bombs
- roddy white
- jacksonville jaguars defense

and i'd like to give big FUCK YOU'S to the following players for ruining my season:

- carson palmer - fuck you for being a shitty second round pick
- larry johnson - fuck you for being a complete fucktard
- kolby smith - fuck you for blowing up when i benched you
- fred taylor - fuck you for letting me trade you for the sex cannon
- rex grossman - GO FUCK YOURSELF REX. I HATE YOU THIS MUCH RIGHT NOW.
- ronnie brown - fuck you for getting injured.
- roy williams - fuck you for being useless. and i thought you were good.
- dallas clark - fuck you for being a big fat pussy.
- roddy white - fuck you for fumbling balls, dropping passes, and showing support for mike vick.
- lee evans - fuck you for making me trade you

but most of all,

FUCK YOU JESSE CHATMAN YOU FUCKING CUNTFACE. YOU RUINED MY SEASON YOU GODDAMN BITCH. YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE DOMINO EFFECT SO YOU CAN GO GRAB A STICK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT.

as for losing, give me a couple of weeks to get over it. i wanted that fantasy championship so badly. maybe next year is the year, like it always is.