Wednesday, October 31, 2007

fuckin heinekens and jagabombs

this weekend, i went above and beyond the call and reached a new level of drunken stupidity. as this past weekend was the one before halloween and i normally do not go out during the week, this was my big chance to get drunk and shine. instead of going with the traditional pirate or the complex and unrecognizable dwight schrute, i went with the "offend as many people as possible in a tasteful manner" card and went as a guido. yes, a fuckin' guido.

- "bears. beets. battlestar galactica."

instead of looking like that handsome man above, i went with the guido look, because 1) guidos are fucking stupid, 2) i had an excuse to be loud, obnoxious, and stupid and 3) because i've watched "my new haircut" to the point where my trashy accent could make me sound like i was from seaside.

so with that being said, i bought these ridiculous sunglasses that only a guido would wear from target, used half of a bottle of hair gel, and popped my collar to unprecedented heights. and voila, i was a motherfucking guido, because i was the fucking man.

i went to a party that night and all hell proceeded to break loose. i was the fucking man and no fucking jabronie was going to fucking stop me. i had my fucking party in a box i chugged beers like it was my bitch and had carried a swagger that gilbert arenas couldn't get close to. i was going to grind on so much pussy until my dick would fall off. (not really, don't take those last four sentences seriously) instead, i got a few compliments from some girls and hit it off pretty well with them once i ditched the jersey accent and the douchebag attitude that came with it. things were going well.

that was until the alcohol kicked in. it turns out that chugging beer isn't the best way to get a guido's party on. i did/was involved on some pretty embarassing incidents that i would never do if i was in the right frame of mind. it all started with this girl. she was a pretty attractive individual and although i didn't know what she was supposed to be, i was turned on by the fact that she had chopsticks in her cleavage. so i went up to this beautiful woman and dropped with a pick-up line that was something like "if you still had those chopsticks then i could take a piece of your breast." suave as i may have thought it would be, it surely didn't come out that way. although she said she never heard that before, i could definitely see the look of disgust on her face as we parted ways and i continued to be a stupid douchebag.

after being approached with multiple references from "my new haircut" and getting tired of drawing out every vowel when i talked, i began to notice that there was an empty keg sitting all by its lonesome self. i always remember the conversations that i would have with my friend brian, as he would steal empty keg shells to get kegs cheaper that way. anyway, this thought came to mind as a friend told me i should steal the keg when i brought that subject up to him. i walk over to the other side of the apartment, lift the empty keg up, and walk out with it. unfortunately, that was noticed by a random guy who happened to live there. after a pleasant exchange that consisted of me explaining why stealing a keg was a great joke to play and i never had a use for it, i returned the keg and disparately wanted to leave.

my friends and i eventually left and put my "party in a box" in the car. we drove back to campus, parked the car in the garage, and i grabbed the party. unfortuantely, i grabbed in the wrong way, so the rest of the beers all fell out of the box and onto the floor. i was too drunk to realize this so i simply flung the empty box on top of the car and went back home to sleep.

in short, being a guido and getting drunk on halloween are not very good ideas. thank god, i didn't do any other stupid shit. however, i'm glad to give my friends a source of entertainment that will not be seen anytime in the near future. i swear that after this weekend, i hate guidos so much that i never want to be one again.

note: if you ever want to see these incriminating pictures, check facebook.

Friday, October 26, 2007

well i guess this is growing up.

this week i found out that i only have two semesters left before i graduate college. we're almost a year away from me walking across that stage to get that degree and i honestly don't know what to think about the whole situation. i don't have a grand plan for myself after college except to get rich, fuck some hot-ass women, and be happy. that's about it. i don't really know how i'm supposed to get there but i think if i can handle the first one, that will lead to the second one and cause me to get the third one as well. regardless about my intentions about living my life, i don't know what to think when it comes to what i'll be doing after college. everyone might think that i have this great plan, but i really don't have one. it's kind of scary to not know what you're going to do after gradutation. i've always had a plan to get out college and i never looked that far ahead into the future, knowing that i had a few years before reality hit me. well, its hitting me right between the eyes and i need to figure out a plan. i've got a year to figure this out but this is the rest of my life that we're talking about here.

hmmm...oh the possibilites. maybe i'll just create a cult, move to brazil, and make my followers drink kool-aid when the cia raids my village. just a thought.

sold my soul to the devil

i made a really stupid trade yesterday in fantasy football. desperate to acquire the services of jesse chatman, a backup running back who has been thrust into the spotlight, i traded lee evans, a wide reciever who i know is going to blow up and put up a ridiculous amount of points in the next week or two. i had placed a waiver claim for him over the weekend when my starter, ronnie brown, was injured. although i did not get chatman, i was willing to give up a lot to get him.

just looking back on the trade, i can't believe how much of an idiot i was. i let a perfectly good, yet underachieving receiver go for a backup running who won't even play that much. we'll see how it works out. in a perfect world, lee evans would hit be a bus tomorrow and jesse chatman is the greatest thing since sliced bread. touche, danny mulrine, and i hope you have a better record than me because of my stupidity.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

the end of perfection

last week signified the end of an era for me. it was an era full of academic prestige and glory, and something that i could hold over all of my peers. the 4.0. the one thing that any serious student strives for, the reason why the waste their lives away at the library instead of drinking in five points. regardless of anything negative in my life, i could always hang my hat on that 4.0. but not anymore. i received my grade for internship and to be frank, i'm not surprised.

it was a moment that was going to happen, sooner or later. losing the 4.0 was bound to happen, whether through my internship or business communications or even beginning tennis. apparently, my bosses were not kind with my evaluation for the entire summer, as i'm sure they expected much more than i put forth. granted, there were times i didn't exert my best effort, but i was always willing and ready to help. i mean shit, i put so much time into this job that i had to break up with my girlfriend so i can fully commit to my job and be normal. but after writing that they were stupid and did not know anything about computers in my term paper, it was going to happen. a closed-doors meeting just wasn't enough. they weren't going to let that final jab slip.

anyway, i'm really glad that i lost the 4.0. in a way, there's less pressure for me to keep it. i can now let my guard down and get that B+ or B every once in a while. which is good, because right now, i just need to survive for the next year and a half. i just want to get of college alive and with my sanity. but for now, a 3.96 will do for me. not a big deal. there's more important things to life than grades. i just have to find them now.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

end of fall break

you stay classy dc. see you in five weeks.

Friday, October 12, 2007

ballin at 37,000 feet

i caught a flight this morning from columbia to dc. it's fall break for usc and i wanted to see my parents for the weekend. the impending hours before the flight, i pulled an all-nighter that consisted of waffle house, ncaa 08, and killshootkill movies. the all-nighter went without a hitch during those wee-morning hours until i got on the plane. i placed my newly purchased issue of gq on the tray attached to the seat in front of me. i proceeded to fall asleep and drool all over my magazine during the flight, completely disgusting the person next to me. and that is what i call ballin at 37,000 feet.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


do you ever wish you can go back in time and change everything you ever regretted doing? there are many times in my life where i just wish i could turn back the hands of time. especially with this summer with her. i wish it would have never happened in that way. i wish i wouldn't have gotten so frustrated with things and walked away. i wish i wouldn't have been so stern and expecting her of what i wanted her to be and not who she truly was. i wish i would have kept things on friendly terms and not completely cut her off. she was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. i wish i would have been friendly about the breakup. she saved me from the person that i never wanted to be. she gave me a reason to live, a reason to fight again. and i just felt no remorse or emotion in the end. the least i could have done would be to thank her for everything she's done.

but i didn't. and that's where i have this empty feeling inside of me. i've spent 18 months dating this girl, sharing my hopes and dreams with her, and now we've ended on such bad terms where every conversation is so awkward. i don't want it to be this way. this is not how its supposed to be. i've spent too much of my life with this girl not to completely shut her out. i want to be friendly with her, but i don't know if i can ever be able to be friends with her again, after i broke her heart and ripped it to shreds. i need her back in my life, not as a significant other, but mainly as a friend. someone i can talk to and trust to hold my deepest secrets. i blame myself for causing this, cutting her off completely from my life. but i'm ready to man up and face the woman whose i heart i broke. the question is, is she ready to face me?

god i hope so.