Thursday, October 11, 2007


do you ever wish you can go back in time and change everything you ever regretted doing? there are many times in my life where i just wish i could turn back the hands of time. especially with this summer with her. i wish it would have never happened in that way. i wish i wouldn't have gotten so frustrated with things and walked away. i wish i wouldn't have been so stern and expecting her of what i wanted her to be and not who she truly was. i wish i would have kept things on friendly terms and not completely cut her off. she was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. i wish i would have been friendly about the breakup. she saved me from the person that i never wanted to be. she gave me a reason to live, a reason to fight again. and i just felt no remorse or emotion in the end. the least i could have done would be to thank her for everything she's done.

but i didn't. and that's where i have this empty feeling inside of me. i've spent 18 months dating this girl, sharing my hopes and dreams with her, and now we've ended on such bad terms where every conversation is so awkward. i don't want it to be this way. this is not how its supposed to be. i've spent too much of my life with this girl not to completely shut her out. i want to be friendly with her, but i don't know if i can ever be able to be friends with her again, after i broke her heart and ripped it to shreds. i need her back in my life, not as a significant other, but mainly as a friend. someone i can talk to and trust to hold my deepest secrets. i blame myself for causing this, cutting her off completely from my life. but i'm ready to man up and face the woman whose i heart i broke. the question is, is she ready to face me?

god i hope so.

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