survival guide: finals

1) study.
2) if you can't study, then procrastinate
3) if you can't procrastinate, then masturbate (OMGGGG dat rhymez! LOLZZ)
4) if you can't "beat your meat," then doodle on your notes
5) if you can't doodle, then look like you're doing something productive
6) if you can't be productive, then throw yourself into a fit of rage.
7) if you can't get mad enough at yourself, get mad at someone else and beat their ass
8) if you can't beat their ass, then chug copious amounts of caffeine.
9) if you can't handle caffeine, try adderall
10) if adderall isn't your style, then try coke (i hear its more effective)
11) if you can't do any drugs, then worry yourself about the final
12) if you can't worry, then hallucinate
13) if you can't trip and be delusional, then inform others of your suicidal thoughts
14) if you can't tell anyone about your plans, then just do it: jump.
15) if you can't will yourself to die, then freak out and shit your pants.
16) if you are constipated, then pee yourself (make sure it runs down BOTH pant legs)
17) if peeing in a public setting isn't ballin enough, then beg your prof for mercy
18) if the prof isn't willing, then offer sexual favors (at this point, you might have to go gay for that A)
19) if you can't suck a dick for a grade, then you're fucked. you might as well cheat or not even show up if you have any pride.