survival guide: finals

1) study.
2) if you can't study, then procrastinate
3) if you can't procrastinate, then masturbate (OMGGGG dat rhymez! LOLZZ)
4) if you can't "beat your meat," then doodle on your notes
5) if you can't doodle, then look like you're doing something productive
6) if you can't be productive, then throw yourself into a fit of rage.
7) if you can't get mad enough at yourself, get mad at someone else and beat their ass
8) if you can't beat their ass, then chug copious amounts of caffeine.
9) if you can't handle caffeine, try adderall
10) if adderall isn't your style, then try coke (i hear its more effective)
11) if you can't do any drugs, then worry yourself about the final
12) if you can't worry, then hallucinate
13) if you can't trip and be delusional, then inform others of your suicidal thoughts
14) if you can't tell anyone about your plans, then just do it: jump.
15) if you can't will yourself to die, then freak out and shit your pants.
16) if you are constipated, then pee yourself (make sure it runs down BOTH pant legs)
17) if peeing in a public setting isn't ballin enough, then beg your prof for mercy
18) if the prof isn't willing, then offer sexual favors (at this point, you might have to go gay for that A)
19) if you can't suck a dick for a grade, then you're fucked. you might as well cheat or not even show up if you have any pride.

jesus rock: oh my god.

oh my god. i went to a religious show last night. what. the. fuck. was. i. thinking? apparently, i ahve no idea because i can't believe i got suckered in to attend such a thing. i was invited by a friend the other day to attend it because she said it would be a christmas concert. of course, i thought that "christmas" would include carols and good old tunes such as jingle bell rock. but no. not this place. this place went above and beyond what a "christmas concert" is. it was like a fucking rock spectacle for jesus.

but first, let me tell you about this church. it is massive. i've never seen anything before like that in my life. it's exactly what you see on those church tv shows that air early on sunday morning with stadium seating, lights, and the whole shebang. ridiculous as i might say. i'm sure the place could hold at least 2,000 people, because it seeemed like that many and so much more would waste their sunday night to attend it.



the concert itself was exactly like a rock show. special effects, lights, and speakers that would make you go deaf. that was only the beginning. i don't think i've ever seen any religion praised in this fashion. i'm catholic and the coolest thing that we have is communion. not a fucking light show. it was amazing, but i was kind of scared how religious songs about god can look almost exactly like a rock concert. i'm not turned off by any means, but i think that it is incredible how people are so devoted to created a spectacle out of a stupid holiday concert.

the point is, i was amazed by the whole thing. i've never seen religion taken to such an extreme or to a mainstream. the thing that sticks out in my mind is that how can you have such a massive church when there are so many other problems in the world. i know god is holy and the supreme deity, but building a massive place to worship him isn't the best way to make a difference. i just think that they should have put the money into something else. let people stand in a field. if they love god that much, they'll do it. if i didn't know that was a church, i wouldn't have any idea about the whole preface of the concert. it's amazing to see such a thing and i doubt i'll ever go near that kind of thing, let alone that church again.