PLAYOFFS?!?!?

congratulations redskins. you did it. you managed to yet again run the table and get into the playoffs. job well done considering the circumstances. despite everything, you held your head high and withstood adversity when it swamped this team. you guys had a perfectly good excuse to go ahead and lie down, and everyone would have been fine with that. but look at you now. 9-7 and a playoff berth.

never would have dreamed of it.

but how the hell does a team lose a game 52-7, calls two timeouts in a row, loses six of their key starters, and yet manage to make the playoffs? apparently, every other team in the NFC is really bad or felt sorry for the redskins. i highly doubt the latter could ever be conceivable, but you never know.

open letter to the washington redskins

dearest redskins,

here we are. it's the day after christmas and we're talking playoffs. this doesn't happen every year. in fact, the words "redskins" and "playoffs" don't usually make sense in december. rather we've grown accustomed to the words "quarterback change" and "building for the future." but no, redskins, you've surprised us all, even your most diehard fans. and through all the trials and tribulations of the season, we're sitting pretty right now with the sixth seed.

redskins, you guys remind me of hooking up with a drunk slut*. it's like as if you see a hot girl at the party. you are compelled to talk to her because of her sexiness coupled with the fact that she's staring you down and has got her eye on you. you begin to talk to her and things go well. next thing you know, you're hooking up with the chick. and it's like "oh my god, i'm hooking up with a hot chick. go me!" but as soon as you finish and you wake up the next morning, you realize that the hot chick isn't as attractive as you thought and she doesn't even remember your name. you think it's all over but then at the next party, you see her again, and to be frank, you simply rinsed and repeated. and again, you wake up and say, "why the fuck did i sleep with her again?!?!" but this time she tells you she has an std and you're left to contemplate your existence on this earth.

don't deny it, redskins, you're exactly like that. you teased us all with that 2-0 start. we had some great feelings. but then you inexplicably called two goalline runs at the end of the giants game which helped us lose. you then beat the shit out the lions, and although they may be the lions, whipping a team 34-3 feels pretty good. and then the roof fucking falls in when you lose to the patriots by 45, you need a field goal in overtime to be a team that's currently 3-12, and you throw interceptions on pivotal drives to lose two games. when you think it can't get much worse, your star safety dies, you call two timeouts in a row, and lose the starting quarterback with a gruesome knee injury. it might only seem like football, but this was your std moment, and if you were a real person, redskins, you would have slit your wrists before thanksgiving.


however, something changed. the redskins decided to stop hooking up with skanks and get with a steady girl (todd collins) instead. and it's been wonderful for those four short weeks. things have been great, but you need to decide whether this is a fling or if you should take it to the next level. she's a great girl and all, but there is a reason behind why her greatest feature is the fact that she is caring and compassionate.

so here's the deal skins, you've got the cowboys this week. win and you're in. lose and pray to god minnesota and new orleans lose as well. are you ready to take that next step with todd collins? because todd collins is and he's ready to give the world and so much more to you. the ball's in your court redskins. don't fuck this up.

chief zee will straight up murder your ass if you mess this up, skins.

sincerely,

the entire washington dc metro area

* - entirely fictional.

thanks to the washington times and drunk university for their pics.

don't press the panic button yet.

ok, maybe my little rant on joe gibbs was irrational. granted, the man has won 3 super bowls and should be given the benefit of the doubt, but i was sick of seeing the redskins fall apart in the waning seconds of every game. they could have had a chance to fall apart yet again last night, but todd collins rallied the troops to a 24-13 win. however, i am devastated yet again because jason campbell took a shot to the knee. and with the way he screamed like a little bitch, he might not be wearing the burgundy and gold until 2008. other than that, i guess we'll have to wait see and what happens with these skins. if everything falls in the right place (which it should), we have a chance to be 8-7, staring at a playoff spot when dallas marches into town on the 30th.

fire joe gibbs.

yes, you read that one right folks. i want the crusty old fuck gone and out of here. as a redskins fan, i am sick and tired of watching my team blow games and lose them due to circumstances that we can control but wish to ignore. for instance, two games come to mind when i speak of this mess that we have created: the giants game back in september and the bills game last week.

with the giants game, how can you call two run plays in a row with two yards to go. the defense knows exactly what's coming. they're going to stack the box and stuff any running game you try to squeeze out. i think i screamed at the tv for at least 10 minutes after game because i was so mad. and then with the bills debacle last week, i have only words of hatred for gibbs. i cannot believe that after multiple decades of coaching, you still do not know the rules. you have got to be kidding me. you pretty much gave the game away joe. next time, you should seriously consider just dropping dead during the game so they can win.

it's so heartbreaking to see a team that you love so much and cheer your heart for crumble into a diabolical mess that has no point of return. 30 days ago, the skins were 5-3 and looking to make a playoff run. now we're 5-7, looking at 5-8 with our best defensive player gone for good. i mean, jason campbell has played well at times, but we have a chance to win, he falls apart. don't get me wrong, he's a great quarterback, but you have to be careful with the ball. of the 4 games we've recently lost, we should have won 3 of them. philadelphia was just poor ball control, tampa bay gave us too many chances, and buffalo would have been done away with if not of clinton portis' 50 yards on 25 carries.

so as a redskin fan, looking out for the best interests of my team, i want joe gibbs gone. gone in the way that michael jordan left dc. quick, hasty, and leaving lots of bad blood at the door. the game has passed gibbs by and i am tired of seeing the ineptitude of our team kill themselves. we have a talented team, we just squander our chances with dumb mistakes both by players and coaches. i understand with the players, because they are young and still learning the game. but with coaches? give me a break. it is your job to know the rules and to call the right plays. and if they can't go a satisfactory job, then someone else will. i am tired of losing and wasting all of this financial effort for mediocre seasons. i don't care if he wins out and get us at 9-7. i want him gone. he's done. finished. dead.

i hope people agree with me on this. if not, then they will after tonight.

sean taylor: the baddest mfer ever

i don't know what to say about sean taylor. so many thoughts run through my head about this man, this meast. thoughts about how he was my favorite player, thoughts about how i'm going to go on with my sundays not knowing he's going to be out there, and even thoughts about the family and friends he's left behind.

i also don't know why i feel so attached to taylor. he's only a football player who does his job. he's not an enigmatic personality who talks to the media incessantly. in fact, he shuns the media and lets his play on the field do the talking for him. he's such a mysterious figure. never talks the media and so we could only make assumptions about him based on his balls-to-the-wall type of play and his gangsta-like lifestyle that he lived off the field. and we all made some pretty great assumptions about the man. how he could run through walls, how he could walk on water and not get wet. those kinds of things. a myth, something like a tall tale. you can hype him up so much to the great beast of man that can cure cancer and turn water into wine, but in the end like a tragic hero, he is nothing more than a mere mortal.

i again don't know why i started liking sean taylor. maybe it was because of my obsession about miami. it all started in 8th grade when my friend brian and i would just talk and talk and talk about the u and its greatness. santana moss. clinton portis. jeremy shockey. ed reed. the list goes on and on. but one year this kid comes on the scene with an "i don't give a fuck about you" attitude and lived to jack the shit of his opponents. his name was sean michael maurice taylor. i'll never forget the orange visor. he just looked like a robot with two modes: off and kill. that mentality makes it so easy for a person to fall in love with him. i mean he was my first mancrush. mancrush as in you have greatest and upmost respect for a player that you would do anything for them except anything gay. because gay would be crossing the line from mancrush to unhealthy, gay obsession. anyway, he rocked the u and then the redskins. it was like a dream come true. my favorite player playing for my favorite team. he was a BAMF his first few years, spitting in people's faces, leaving meetings, and even wearing ridiculous socks. i didn't care about what he did, because he had this way about him. this mysterious, dark figure that doesn't give a fuck about anything or anyone. a guy there just to play the game and not to get caught up in the hype. he lived to play the game.

a friend asked me how it felt to know that your favorite player died. i told him i felt like a part of me died today with sean and i don't think i'll ever get it back. people are raised to believed that sports figures are their heroes. superior athletic ability and killer instinct let the cream of the crop rise to the top. and now my hero is dead. he only played three and half years. and now instead of taking my kids to see the twilight of taylor's career. i now have to describe to them taylor and they'll just think i'm some crazy person. they'll never know but i honestly hope that they'll find someone like sean to revere for his play, not his issues. i hope that everyone thanks their lucky stars that they're able to see their player play on sunday, while mine will sit six feet under for the rest of eternity. it's really depressing, but i'll move on. there's no other choice. ave atque vale, sean. wherever it is that you may go, they probably won't flag you for unnecessary roughness there.

say it ain't so sean.

at this hour, sean taylor is the victim of a shooting at his home early this morning, according to some fine sources out there. taylor's home in miami was apparently burglarized at 2AM, where he was shot in the leg. news sources say he is in critical condition, and "fighting for his life" as he is currently in critical condition. although my thoughts and prayers go out to sean and the taylor family, i have a few questions/comments/concerns about this whole situation.

1) why is taylor in miami? shouldn't he be in dc rehabbing his injury?
2) home security? has taylor learned this lesson from the preceding tragedies of athletes before him? nope.
3) the redskins are fucked if he doesn't recover fully.
4) sean taylor probably jacked the shit out of the shooter on one leg. he's that good.
5) i hope that this isn't true. i love me some sean taylor.

One-Post Wonder

My 15 minutes of fame start now....

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2007/08/the_cone.html
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2007/08/skins_go_stache.html

As they continue to tick away and I fade into DC blogging obscurity, I just wanted to give some big ups to the DC Sports Bog for The Cone post. I wasn't expecting the Bog to actually find my newly-created blog, thus all of the normal cursing that a college student usually engages in. The post is cleaned up as much as possible, even without diluting the content of the post itself. Like all one-hit wonders, there's only one way to go: down. However, I must say that it was a crazy idea that somehow worked and I achieved blogging immortality for just one day.

The Washington Redskins Meet the Cone.

I went to training camp today for the Washington Redskins in Ashburn, VA. I had the day off from work, so my friends and I decided to hit up camp and experience it firsthand. We went all (crazy) with this, as we created a Facebook event, brought jerseys, and even carpooled up to Ashburn. At training camp, the word on the street from friends and other fans was that players would usually sign autographs for awhile after practice. When I heard this, I jumped at this chance, but I had nothing really great in terms of Redskins paraphernalia. Most people bring hats, balls, jerseys, etc. for players to sign, but that would be really boring and wouldn’t stand out. With the clock ticking against me, I had little time to buy new Redskins stuff. I grabbed a traffic cone from the trunk of my old car, that a friend had left in there previously, and we made our way to Ashburn.


We arrived at Redskins Park as practice was starting. I busted out the cone from my trunk and proceeded to carry it from the car into the viewing area. I watched the practice as I sweated my butt off, but I wasn’t interested in watching Ladell Betts fumble or see Carlos Rogers wear yellow socks. I didn’t haul this (thing) for a 30-minute drive to wear as a dunce cap or to direct traffic. I wanted some (flippin) autographs on this cone.


Practice ended after 90 minutes and the players slowly start to migrate towards the fans. I felt really unsure about this whole idea because 1) it was a (flipping) cone and 2) i was in front of kids. I hate children but the kids are more likely to get love from the players, since they had balls and hats, while I was a college student with a (flipping) cone. The players made their way over to where the cone and I were, and I lifted the heavy cone into the air. I yelled at the top of my lungs for Jason to sign my cone and Jason’s godly presence touched my cone as he grabbed the Sharpie out my trembling hand and signed the cone. I then knew what it felt to be a teenage girl seeing their favorite boy band. Except I didn’t cry.


I thought that it was pretty tits to get Campbell’s autograph, but then His Majesty Joe Gibbs made his way through the crowd and saw the cone as well. He took his sharpie and magically chicken scratched his John Hancock onto my cone. And then he and Sean Taylor proceeded to slap two (women) next me. (No, not really) Then we hit some bumps in the road. Rock Cartwright and Marcus Washington decided that they were too good for the cone and completely ignored the large orange cone that was in their face. It’s cool, you know, because Cartwright sucks and deserves to be cut after not signing it and Marcus Washington can just straight up suck my left nut.



The cone began to gain some notoriety with the players and the fans, as the fans would cheer every time the cone was signed. I’m sure everyone thought it was pretty badass of me to bring a cone in comparison to their hat or ball. Shawn Springs and Dan Steinberg (writer of the DC Sports Bog) received word of the cone and made their way over to where I was standing. Shawn took my sharpie and put his bane on the cone, while I invited Steinberg to come sign it. I love Steinberg as a writer and I felt that it would be fitting for the legend himself to leave his mark on the cone. Steinberg asked me a few questions about the cone, but I think I blabbered a few words to him after I (pooed) my pants. (again, not really, but close). Carlos “Yellow Socks” Rogers and Fred “Sex Boat” Smoot also came over to the cone, but wouldn’t sign it because they go to gay SEC schools and know that they have to cover something more than the bed to touch this cone.



But the highlight of the day was Chris Cooley. Chris is a fan favorite around these parts and was more than willing to sign the cone. However, when he was signing the cone, he asked, “So, did you steal the cone.” And I said, “Uhhhh, No… Sir.” Cooley laughed as strolled off onto the sunset. No other players came around for they headed to do press or the locker room so thus, the cone had to be put away for the day. A security guard who spotted us as we were leaving had other plans for the cone as he told us that it had to be returned. We pleaded with the man showing him that the cone was ours and how it was different from the rest. I finally got the cone in the trunk and drove away with a hell of an adventure today.

The cone basking in all of its greatness.

More pictures will be up later.